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A big part of me wants to leave him as I understand our marriage will never be the same. Our love has lost its innocence. The wounds of betrayal still fester under the band-aides of hope and forgiveness.There is no point in hiding it, I want revenge. And I want it bad. I want to make Chris feel the same pain I did. I want to make him pay for what he did in every sense. He is going to suffer. He is going to cry.I'm going to break Chris.Only then can we begin to build each other up and realise what we have is worth saving.I'm going to sleep with another man. I want to know what it feels like to make love… no, not love. I want to know what it feels like to have sex. Hot dirty sex. Sex without commitment. Sex without strings. Chris did it. Why can't I?I will.I just need to know how best to go about it.~I started hanging out with the young guns at work. Socialising for Friday drinks with the sales team. There is a handsome mixed race guy called Jamal. He is clever and confident and all the. She was from another time, it seemed, and was almost another girl, though still very much, especially in comparison to Candy the woman, and Luna the girl who walked behind her, the eternally desirable, purely beautiful woman-girl I so deeply loved. The music ended and the minister began. "Friends, today we come together, in the sight of the God of Abraham, of Jesus, of Muhammad, in the spirit of every lover from ancient times to present day, to celebrate the love shared by Lizvette and William, to unify them eternally in their devotion to one another, now and ever after. "William, will you now look into the face of your beloved and speak your vows to her?"I turned to face her and saw her at last looking into my eyes, expectant, trusting, so intimate she seemed unaware we were not alone. It was the look I saw from her only, I realized, when we made love. "My love for you, Lizvette, is the deepest love I have ever known." My voice was low, as if we were making love. "You are the first.
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